i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
