I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
