spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
