its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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