he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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