i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
