And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
