I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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