piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
