We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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