I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize
