Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
