That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
