The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
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