you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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