You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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