Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
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