OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
