his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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