i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
