i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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