Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Sorry my hands just texted you
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
