On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
