The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you have to choose: penises or morals?
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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