her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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