Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
