Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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