Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
