yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
