Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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