A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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