It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
We had sex on a dog bed..
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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