My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My life is pants optional.
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