Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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