if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
