how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
