I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
