When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
