YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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