I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Randomize
