Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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