just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Randomize