how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
