i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
don't judge my taste in strippers
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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