Michael Bay diarrhea
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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