I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
