Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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