Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
