So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
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