I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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