I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
