I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
