what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I want a musical about memes.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
