Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize