The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
