It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
