Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
