Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
He told me they were just razor bumps!
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
