I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
