Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
