Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
