her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
