Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
