my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
