I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
