Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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