To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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