I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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