i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize