If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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