just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
