i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
