I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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