My nipple is on Facebook.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i need an iv and a liver transplant
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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