i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
