I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
All the doctor said was why
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
