i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
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