I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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