Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
