they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
