Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
