i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
