He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
