just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
