Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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