Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
