the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize