omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize