If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
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