Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
