I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
