I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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