I hate all girls vehemently.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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