they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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