i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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