sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
