i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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