im having a threesome with these popsicles
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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