I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
