I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
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