you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
