I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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