Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
