my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
