SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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