can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
