hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize